-A Sister Conversation-Journey of Resilience: Breast Cancer Survivor Michelle Lange's Inspiring Tale

Speaker 1: 0:21

Hey y'all. It's Nikki Moore, your host of More Stories, where everybody got a story to tell what's up. Y'all, I'm so glad that you tuned in. I'm so glad that you're engaged. We got a lot of great content that's going to be coming your way and I just hope you stay with me on this journey. It's October, so it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I went through this journey a couple years ago, came out on the other side, thank you Lord, and I'm going to be featuring a lot of interesting people for the next few series and I hope you stay engaged. These individuals will share their stories about their cancer journey and they're going to resonate with you. So I hope you stay tuned in and stay engaged with more stories. My first guest for October is Michelle Lange. Michelle Lange is a remarkable woman of strength, resilience and inspiration. Her unserving love of life and people will resonate with you. She has a soulful intelligence. She's very artistic. She loves painting and written words. She's also a radio host for Radio Hawk is Bay in New Zealand. Her life stories touch hearts, give you hope and restore faith. She inspired me when we first met, and so I want her to inspire you. As a creative and ghost writer, michelle has worked behind the scenes for a perfectly perfect campaign A client with a worldwide reach, having an opportunity to create for celebrities and be a featured writer. Having faced many challenges on her journey, most recently a cancer diagnosis, this became a catalyst of courage so she could speak from her heart and share her story, and she's here tonight to share with us. Michelle is an embodiment of passion to light the path for others, serving as a beacon, knowing her life challenges, refined her soulfully to get present and to become fully alive. Hey, I'm not going to keep talking, I'm just going to get right into it. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, let's welcome Michelle Lane. Hey, michelle, thank you so much for being on more stories where everybody has a story to tell. I appreciate your time. I'm excited to hear about your journey, so let's get it, let's get into it.

Speaker 3: 3:17

Yes, I'm excited.

Speaker 1: 3:20

Me too, you know. Tell me and tell my audience about your journey. Can you share with us, as a breast cancer survivor, from the moment of diagnosis to where you are now?

Speaker 3: 3:35

Well, I think the biggest transition you make is the moment of diagnosis, and how do you manage that mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually? I think that's key and for me, before I went into my diagnosis of stage two breast cancer and then after surgery it was stage three breast cancer, I think I'd already had a mindset decided beforehand of the way I wanted to fulfill that journey, and for me it was to be positive and to not fall into the. I think I had an intuitive awareness of not falling into that thinking of that it's a death sentence and that I'm going to die and life is immediately over because I've been diagnosed with cancer. I think in life, seeing a lot of that and even the you know what you see on television, social media and programming throughout my lifetime, I somehow decided that you know, if you have a serious illness, there is a, there is a means in a way to get through it. So the initial diagnosis, I think for me is very different than most because I went into it with a different vision and purpose and that helped me. The day that that, you know, I was told that I had breast cancer. I wasn't told that, whether it was malignant or benign. That happened after the biopsy and then when I went into the biopsy, because I had a mindset of I have to look at this differently. I want to look at this differently. There was a positive and upbeat attitude when they when I went through the biopsy, you know I find found reasons to find laughter and enjoy music while they did the biopsy and you know the feedback that came from that was like you know, you have a really positive attitude and I says yes because I don't want to lose myself in the negativity that could arrive if I allow it. So it became a choice of what am I going to allow myself to think and feel while I'm on this journey? And for me, I wanted to have hope, I wanted to have joy, I wanted to have positivity, even in the negative, because I truly believe that in any difficult situation there is not an absence of light and love and possibilities that allow you to find the good in life. So, moving through the surgery, you know there were concerns that showed up. You know healing from surgery is not easy. I worked the whole time through my whole entire diagnosis and treatments up until the second to last excuse me, not second to the last week of radiation. That's when I stopped working. By then I was tapped out, ready to take a respite because I was truly exhausting in all kinds of ways.

Speaker 1: 7:02

So after surgery, I asked you this sure, where were you exactly the day that you found out? Where was I, mm? Hmm? Were you at home? Were you at work? Were you with friends? Were you by yourself?

Speaker 3: 7:14

I was by myself, mm. I got a phone call and I listened and I just absorbed it, took it in and just thought well, what am I going to do with this? I sat in the in the moment. I don't recall being overly upset to the point of distraught, you know it was okay. Okay, this is serious stuff. I've got cancer. I don't think that came until later on, because I had family to care for a daughter, a 12 year old no, 10 year old back then and work. So for me it was, I put it off for a minute because there was a lot going on and found my strength and courage to get through that initial moment. And then, just when I found the peace and the quiet you know, a peace and quiet moment to myself. And I think the key here was because for me, I didn't want to alarm my daughter. I didn't want her to get even more scared than she was about the prospects that you know I'm seriously ill and unfortunate for her. A friend of her said well, I don't care that your mum's got cancer, she's going to die anyway. So she was already on a heightened alert. So I had to find those private times to grieve, if that made any sense. So I grieved when I took that off the shelf. And I think that happened when I was two weeks into chemo and I was standing in front of the mirror and there's no here. My eyebrows are disappearing, my eyelashes are disappearing and I stood there and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is really it.

Speaker 1: 9:28

Right, yeah, yeah, it's a surreal moment and I definitely I've been there, so I can. I can feel that what you're saying. It just like goosebumps, because I remember that day and I remember the day of standing there looking at myself with no hair and it really, it really became a reality. Tell us how did you experience? How did your experience with breast cancer change your perspective on life and the way you approach challenges now?

Speaker 3: 10:10

I think that the perspective changed, where you worry less about things that really don't matter. You decide what matters because you get a diagnosis and immediately your mortality moves right in front of you. It's like you know holy crap, I've got cancer, people die from cancer, this is a lifetime, this is something I have to endure for the rest of my life. So you decide, I decided that that some things didn't matter anymore. Like you know, what do you worry about? What do you get present to? What do you live for? And music was an important part of my treatment plan for myself, and so I. You know, celine Dion has a song, and it's I'm to that, to that song. You know, being alive had much greater meaning. So when you are feeling alive, what do you do? When you're alive, you get present. Now you get focused to your family, your friends, the things that matter most to you. You don't take things for granted, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 11:31

Absolutely. Michelle, tell us what are some of the most valuable sources of support and encouragement for you throughout your cancer journey. You mentioned your daughter. I'm sure that was a huge source of support, but what are some other valuable things that helped you and help you know, encourage you through this, this journey?

Speaker 3: 11:56

Well, I have to say that my mum and my dad, my mum and my dad you know my mum was a tremendous help. She called me every other day and she's calling from Australia because I'm originally from New Zealand, so my mum now lives in Australia. She was an amazing help. Friends who were close, in a circle, who understood. I'm lucky I have a best friend who is a two time breast cancer survivor and so she understood my journey and so having her at my side to help me understand some of the things that I was experienced was such a gift. The other things I think that were a help and a resource was finding those things that you can connect to Like. For me it was writing every day, sketching, meditation, things like trying to live a life as normal as possible, despite the fact that there were periods of time I was sick, finding things to do that I was able to do. I might have been limited, but at that limited state of being there were still things that I could figure out how to participate in and try to find some sense of normalcy. I think the other thing is that the cancer unit that I worked with at the Huntsman Cancer Centre at the University of Utah. They were amazing. If I got stuck, you know, and there were things that I had to work through, they had a great social workers team that I could call up and say I need a minute to talk, I need suggestions of things that I can do. There were lots of different alternatives for me that opened up as a means to help mitigate whatever the circumstances were. That was going on, yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:54

Yeah, were there any unexpected silver linings or positive outcomes that emerged from your experience with breast cancer?

Speaker 3: 14:03

Yes, definitely, yes, there were. I can't express enough how grateful I am and it's going to sound weird for my journey, for going through breast cancer, because it allowed me to dig deep, to go. You know, there's an analogy that came up with. Here's one of the silver linings. This analogy is this we are strong and when something comes along, we can be slightly weakened, but that does not make us weak. And it's like a piece of steel. In order for you a piece of steel, to bend and to be shaped, it needs to be put into a process where there's lots of, tremendous amount of heat. So I liken the heat to the experience of cancer and any other life challenges that we may face. We get put through that experience and it creates a place of being where we get molded. So that piece of structure of steel gets put into heat. The heat is the same as the life experiences that we have. We get molded and we get bent and we come out stronger than we were before we had that experience. So for me, I'm much stronger, more resilient, see life very differently than I used to, and it was a healing process from the inside out, like, for example, letting go of past things. You know, because I knew that there was an energy flow that needed to be present in me to make sure that, every day, I was healing myself, that I was having the energy I needed, in a positive way, to give back to myself, so that, when those moments came where emotionally, mentally, physically or spiritually I was tapped out, I had the reserves available to get through it, and I wasn't. I was able to fill up my bucket, and it wasn't empty. So, though, by getting rid of those things that no longer served me, I was able to find that reserve to fill up my bucket, to have hope and possibilities and a greater sense of I'm gonna do this. There was goals that I made for myself, like. My goal was, I remember I'm gonna like we don't have a bell at the cancer unit, but we do have this big giant gong, and my goal was I want to, I want to bang that on my last day of chemo. So my vision of my purpose was every day, I'm gonna get through my treatment. Every day I'm going to, you know, when treatment arrived I'm. Every week I'm gonna do that, so that at my end goal that was my first bench I'm gonna bang that. I'm gonna do that and they gave us a blanket and a certificate to say thank you for getting through all of your treatments. And I got to, you know, hobble over to that and and just celebrate that moment. It was like, yes, I did this.

Speaker 1: 17:32

I did it, I did it. I did, you know, thinking about specific lifestyle changes or self-care practices that you you found helpful doing your recovery, like, for example, during my journey, I discovered I did it a little bit, but I really discovered meditation and it's something that I hold sacred to this day. Were there any specific lifestyle changes or self-care practices that you found helpful during your, your recovery and your your journey?

Speaker 3: 18:08

I would have to say, for me, during my chemo treatment, I took the ethos of, you know, eastern culture medicine meets Western medicine and it's part of the process, of processes, of a whole person, holistic approach to, to how your own wellness. So I took on board, during my chemo treatment, acupuncture. I'd never done it in my entire life but because of some of the the side effects that were showing up, I decided, you know, I'm going to give this a go, I'm going to to make the most of what I needed to do to help me be prepared and get through the side effects of. For me it was neuropathy. So I took on board acupuncture. I took on board physical therapy to prepare me for well, to help me because of the challenges of the neuropathy, I took on board physical therapy. So now I still participate because I still have neuropathy and those activities to help keep my muscles moving and my hold on a second. My brain just decided I don't want to work anymore, I apologize and my joints having mobility. So, and also, like you, meditation. I continued with meditation and sound frequency meditation and healing, because there's an aspect of, you know, learning to get as much information as you can on alternatives out there that can help you get through your journey, not just during your cancer treatment but post cancer treatment. I think one of the biggest things that your listeners need to understand is that, yes, we celebrate the fact that we got through chemo and radiation. However, if you have ancillary side effects, you still need to find a holistic approach mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually to get through what happens to your life and how life changes, because you have them Right. So the process that you learned during and there's this silver lining the process that you learned during chemo and radiation to get through it, it continues after all of those things are done, because this is a whole life process. It's not just well, we're done with that, we don't need to do any of that. And I learned, I have to say, with Sugarin, that I learned that the hard way because I celebrated so well and so great. Yeah, I made it, I made it, I made it. But I didn't prepare myself for how much the neuropathy would affect my life as a side effect.

Speaker 1: 21:13

Yes, and I, and also it affects my life tremendously at night. Yeah, that's also a big side effect for me as well. What advice would you give to someone who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer?

Speaker 3: 21:31

What would you say? I would say make sure you have a good support system, friends and family, people that you trust around you. Find activities that you love and what I mean by find activities that you love, activities that raise your vibrations, create an internal chemical reaction within you, things that you can manage doing while you're going through treatment, while you're going through the journey of cancer. And also there may be lots of people who want to share with you. You know their journey. Come with an understanding that everybody's different. There are pieces that you can take from everybody's journey and see how it's going to fit and work for you, but you're the only one who's gonna know what's best for you. I think that the other thing is there may come a time that you may need to talk to a therapist. I know that I did for a period of time and that was most helpful. Going through that journey was having somebody to talk to outside of my family, because I think part of me was. I didn't want to overwhelm my family because they were already feeling that angst of you know for want for a better phrase. Holy crap, mums got cancer, my sisters got cancer, my daughters got cancer and for them that's a heavy burden to carry. What's different about mine is that my family's thousands of miles away. My sisters and my mum and my dad are thousands of miles away in Australia and New Zealand, so for them there's that hopelessness of I can't do anything, I can't touch her, I can't hug her, I can't be with her, and this was like the tail end of COVID, and they were still in heavy duty lockdown in New Zealand and Australia so they couldn't go anywhere, they couldn't do anything. And I think one of the things that helped me and I and this may help the listeners is that I came to a point of saying to my mum and dad I appreciate a phone call because I understand and know your position, that you're in and I'm grateful that you can call me, and I had a great sense of gratitude about the little things in life that arrived. That gave me a tremendous amount of support and understanding. I read, I found quiet, I found peace, I found my strength, and I think those things are possible one step at a time, one day at a time. I also learnt that when you have a moment that you can't manage, don't forget to speak up and ask for help with your support group and when you are in a place where it's hard, it's okay. It's okay to sit in those emotions and feel them and figure out what you need to do with them and who can help you get through it, and then figure out what steps you need to make to do that and that's you know, with a sense of hope and positivity. And because everybody's different, for me it was very, very different. I came to this journey, to that fight, with a great, tremendous sense of faith and you know, go get it attitude and positivity. I think if you're new at this, you have to find your centre ground, you have to find your strength and your courage and when you do that, you've got to find ways to keep allowing that to flow through you. I mean, I had people saying to me because of my perspective and my way of handling it, how can you be so positive? Well, that's because I chose to do that you know, we each have a choice of how we want to see that journey, and I think the first thing to do is figure out for you how you see that journey. Are you here to fight and win, or are you here to say I don't want to do this, this is too much for me? And then you can get a plan, a whole person plan. You know your mind, your heart, your soul, your body, your emotions. Put those all in place so that, as you go along your journey, you know where to go to get the support that you need to be able to get through. And though it's very important, it's not just about your physical, it's your spiritual well-being, your emotional well-being, your mental well-being, your spiritual well-being. They all have a part to play in this journey.

Speaker 1: 26:33

It's all connected. It's all connected and I know when I was diagnosed, someone told me that that was recently diagnosed as well for a second time, and I remember when she told me that that your, your mental, is just as important as your physical as you go through this journey and that just resonated with me and it stuck with me. So I always tried to have a really positive attitude and my family and my friends, they, they helped me with that. So it's definitely important to have that as well. How did how did you navigate the emotional roller coaster that came with? You know your diagnosis Because we went through it. How did you navigate that?

Speaker 3: 27:30

For me. I learned to just sit in the moment, whatever it was. I think one of the key learning points for me was when I was in that space, that I wasn't comfortable with what was happening, whether it's I'm afraid, I feel sick. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being sick and tired I'm. I don't have strength, I don't feel the courage, or maybe it was. You know, I'm having a good day. Yay, this is cool. You know I'm having a great day. Gee, how did I get through today? What a wonderful celebration. Whatever the emotion was, I sat with it, and I think the biggest challenge for me was not, was not. How do I say this? I have an affinity to always think I have to be strong, right, so it was learning how to become vulnerable in those emotional moments and speaking up and saying, okay, I don't feel so strong today, I don't feel. You know whatever the emotion was, and connecting with my people and saying, you know I need to chat for a minute. You know, put my girlfriend on my best friend on speed dial and say, do you have a minute? And she's like what's up? Well, I'm just trying to practice to speak up and speak out. That this is how I feel, rather than just keep trudging through on automatic pilot saying I'm strong, I'm strong. I'm strong because there were days I wasn't strong, I was dreading, you know dreading going to chemo, right, I think some of that excuse me the emotions there.

Speaker 2: 29:36

Some of that was sitting in the chair for the infusion, and I didn't always have somebody sitting in a chair next to me. So watching other people gather together around their loved one, for me that was a very vulnerable and tender moment, and so I I found ways to get centered with myself, love and appreciate who I am, enjoy and appreciate the quiet that was there and know that God had his hand on me and that I had my hand on myself, and it was okay to feel that vulnerable sense of vulnerability you know to be truly alone

Speaker 3: 30:22

in the moment and when I really thought about it and I looked out the window of the hospital where I was at, in this beautiful scenery, I saw nature, I saw God's creations of mountains with snow on and trees and the light coming through and I thought, okay, I'm not really alone. It feels very alone and I'm not so fresh. Courage, take, enjoy this moment, find some sense of appreciation and gratitude and you know, one foot in front of the other. So it was learning how to speak up and learning how to accept that part of this journey. There were difficult parts I mean, I still experienced them after chemo and radiation and one of those moments was because of the neuropathy. I went to go try a new treatment, an infusion of lidocaine to help disrupt what was happening with the neuropathy and the nerves, right. So I realized this one particular day when I went in. This was my first appointment and I had an emotional roller coaster because all of a sudden I hadn't even got out of the car with my best friend and I'm crying and I realized I had secondary, like a secondary PTSD moment because it was like infusion hospital I don't want to go.

Speaker 2: 32:04

I don't want to go. I don't want to go in there and I'm just crying. I don't want to go in there. I don't want another hospital. I don't want to. I don't want to do this.

Speaker 3: 32:16

And I stood and talked to her for a minute and that was a learning lesson for me, to understand how deep and wide this journey had gone. And, without even thinking about it, there was this you know, I had created this moment of I don't want to do that anymore no hospitals, no medication. You know the rigors of what chemo puts you through and radiation and the whole process of a whole year, 18 months, of the whole journey. And in that emotional moment, by the time that had happened, I had learned to just say what I needed to say, feel what I needed to feel and accept that. You know, this was. I accepted in that moment that this was a new thing for me to learn and have a sense of awareness about, so that I could go about emotionally figuring out how to support the intensity of what that was about I'm, you know there was some grieving to go through. There were things that I needed to to look at and say, oh, wow, I hadn't, I had no idea that that's what was inside of me because of this journey.

Speaker 1: 33:34

Right, yeah, you know what you said a few minutes ago when you said you were looking out and you saw, what did she say? The mountains. And you felt like I'm not alone. You were alone while you were doing your infusion, but you were not alone. I just, you know, I think about because I went through. I went through the journey doing the COVID and I would have to be in there a lot along. It was at a facility that my husband you know that I worked at, so he would come in sometime, but we were not alone now when we went through this journey. And so I just I think that that is a really profound way to end this beautiful conversation, because many listeners who could be going through this or have family members going through this at this particular time, they should know that you are not alone. And so, michelle, I just I thank you so much for coming on. I thank you for sharing your journey and the experiences that you've had. Your openness and your willingness to discuss such a personal matter is really appreciated.

Speaker 3: 35:05

It's my pleasure because I know that in speaking with you, you you understand, and I think that's one of the things to end off on a note is being with people who understand your journey helps you to get through your journey, and I think that's as important, as you're not alone, even though you feel that you are, you're not, because God in the universe, in the very details and fabric of your life even in those moments.

Speaker 1: 35:32

Absolutely, Absolutely Well. You heard it here on more stories where everybody got a story to tell. Michelle, thank you so much for coming on. Please do not be a stranger. I hope that you can come on again and share some things with us, maybe do some co-hosting. I just appreciate your time so much.

Speaker 3: 35:57

You're welcome. I'd love to come back. It would be my pleasure.

Speaker 1: 36:01

Thank you so much. I'll talk to you soon, okay, thanks?

Speaker 2: 36:14

Bye-bye.